Fear of Death or Fear of Missing Out on Life?

 I recently watched the French movie Two Is a Family (Demain tout commence).

It's the story of Samuel – a carefree guy living day-to-day without any serious commitments. Until a former summer fling turns up at his doorstep, hands him a baby girl, says "this is your daughter," gets into a taxi, and simply drives away.

The film itself is warm and uplifting, but near the end, the main character says something that completely stuck in my head:

"There are tougher tests in life than jumping off a cliff into the sea. When Gloria entered my life, I found the courage to throw myself into the void. She taught me that the fear of death is nothing compared to the fear of not living. Those 20 euros spent on a taxi could have been the key to absolute happiness."

I sat with this thought for a good while.

Look at the past few years – first the pandemic, then consecutive crises, wars, non-stop news, uncertainty – it really took a toll on us. I’ve noticed in so many people (and sometimes in myself too!) how easily we slip into a continuous emergency mode.

What if I get sick?

What if my loved ones get sick?

What if I lose my job, what if everything falls apart…

What about those vaccines – to vaccinate or not?

What if it's a hoax and does harm, but what if I don't get vaccinated and get sick?

What about the financial crisis, inflation, rising prices?

What if the war spills over into other countries?

On top of that, climate change, extreme weather, droughts, sudden storms…

Just reading this list makes you want to pull the duvet over your head! You get stuck in a paralyzing deadlock where every single turn holds another "what if."

It's completely normal for our brains to go down these rabbit holes when we're constantly bombarded with headlines and conflicting information. But when we chew on these worst-case scenarios every single day, what does it actually give us? Do we feel even slightly better after half an hour of complaining and imagining how bad things could get?

Not really.

We just wind ourselves and everyone around us up, and tomorrow we start all over again.

Let's look at this calmly: every single one of us will die eventually, and most of us will probably get sick or run into trouble along the way. That’s just how it is. Spending hours obsessing over it won't change that fact by a single millimeter. What's more – constant stress and tension will only accelerate potential problems.

I ran a small, somewhat drastic thought experiment on myself.

Imagine you find out that in exactly two days you're going to get hit by a train. The date is locked in, no turning back, in 48 hours the party on this planet is over for you. What now?

You could spend those final hours complaining about how unfair it is. You could get drunk, panic-buy funeral insurance, or dig through the internet looking for a magic anti-train pill. Or you could think: "Alright, I've got two days left. What beautiful, fun stuff can I squeeze into this time?"

Because the train is coming for each of us eventually, whether we like it or not. The question is: do we want to spend our entire lives sitting at the station, terrified of the tracks?

But what are we actually afraid of?

When you strip away all those layers of stress, it turns out that at the root of almost everything lies one simple fear: we are afraid of losing something.

We fear losing our health, comfort, money, home, status, or sense of security. We worry that someone will stop liking us, loving us, or caring for us. So we start obsessing over how to protect ourselves. We buy insurance policies, set aside money for a rainy day, work overtime at jobs we don't even like – just in case, because you never know.

But do you know anyone who has managed to insure themselves against life itself?

Have you ever wondered why we do all of this? What are we so fiercely trying to protect? A life we don't even have time to enjoy? A peace of mind we don't even feel because we are constantly worrying about the future?

Sometimes we focus so hard on securing our backs that we forget to step forward altogether.

Shift of perspective: From fear to an appetite for life

Because let's be honest: a sense of total security in life is largely an illusion anyway.

If you wanted to predict and prevent everything, every single moment of the day is dangerous in some way. At home, a wardrobe could tip over on us. Faulty wiring could shock us. We could burn ourselves badly with hot oil, trip on the stairs, or slip in the bathtub.

And what now? Does that mean we should stop cooking, bathing, and using stairs?

Of course it makes sense to take reasonable precautions – put a non-slip mat in the tub, be careful with hot oil, fix the socket. A bit of common sense, basic safety, and… that's it, done! There's no point hanging around overthinking and chewing on it endlessly, because it won't change a thing.

Since complete control is an illusion anyway, instead of spending our lives insulating ourselves against every possible misfortune, maybe it's better to simply switch directions?

When you start living with an appetite for the world, your fear shifts its direction in a strange way. You stop being so afraid that something will go wrong. Instead, you start becoming afraid that you won't have time to experience, try, and see it all.

When my aunt was 50, she sat down in an armchair, sighed heavily, and said: "Well, I'm 50 now. Guess it's just waiting for cancer and death from here." She said that about ten years ago. And you know what? Since then, she really hasn't gone anywhere or learned anything new; she just walks around complaining. She put herself in the waiting room.

Life is too precious to spend in the waiting room.

Listening to people, I so rarely hear about passions, dreams, plans, or wonderful memories. I rarely hear about ideas on how to gather strength to meet challenges. Instead, complaining and a list of potential threats dominate the conversation.

And yet, beneath all that fear about health and life lies something beautiful that we forget to talk about out loud.

I want to be healthy not just so I "don't get sick" – but so I can hike, travel, feel the wind in my hair, and taste all the delicious food the world has to offer.

I want to live a long life and have the strength to support my daughter for as long as possible, meet my future grandchildren, and play with them.

I want to surround myself with wonderful, like-minded friends to share beautiful moments with.

I want strong eyes to read many more fascinating books, watch great movies, and marvel at sunsets.

And that's what it's all about.

When we stop focusing solely on avoiding dangers and remind ourselves WHY we actually want to be here – our whole perspective shifts.

So instead of spending life in the waiting room, afraid of what might go wrong – let's step out into the world. Let's do what's reasonable to stay safe, and then simply go live, experience, and collect all those wonders while we still have the time and strength.